How did I get here?

In some ways it feels like "How did things go so wrong?" But in another sense, it feels like it never could have ended any other way. Man, that sounds so cliche, but y'know, strap in, cause there's probably gonna be a lot of that. Right, first thing's first: where is "here"?

I'm in a room in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, for trying to kill myself, again. I've agreed to undergo Electro-convulsive therapy (ECT), not because I believe it will help, but because I don't know what else to do. I feel so broken, stuck in some recursive nightmare where the things that would help me get better are always the things I can't do.

So, in the spirit of Wordsworth's "the child is father to the man", I'll be starting my story at the very beginning. Maybe even dipping into the pre-beginning when relevant. But for now I'll try to limit myself to my own lifetime. And before you complain, this is the comprehensive story of my life, so there's never gonna be a better time for masturbatory navel-gazing. My not-quite-post-mortem.

Anyway, that'll probably do for an introduction. There won't be any further warnings, read at your own risk.